In the begining.........

Well as promised here today we shall begin our story. I hope you are well rested and posibly not hung over. But if you are thats ok theres always the Plan V. Vomit your brains out all over the floor.
Well our story begins in Dover AFB, Delaware. Now you may be asking yourself where the hell is that at? I know I did the first time I heard it. But its the little state on the east coast sandwhiched between MD and NJ. Its referred to as the first state, mainly because it was the first state of the union. However this blogger believes it could be the first state of stupidity. If you dont bielve me just visit there sometime. Your first 10 minutes of driving will be all it takes to turn you into a bielever.
As one would have it I was on leave in Fl between Tech school and my first base. I was lucky enough to fly into PHL. Because now that I know what flying into BWI is like, and I try to avoid it at all costs. This was my first true AF experience,I thought to myself, boy did I not have any idea what I was in for.
I had no idea what to do at all. All I knew was that I had to get to Dover AFB. Well usually when you are in tech school you get someone from your new base thats called a sponsor. Notice that he isnt mentioned yet. Thats because all I had was his name. Hes the guy thats supposed to go and pick you up and help you get settled into your new base. So this was one of the firsts in a long line of fuck ups. So the only thing I could think of was to call a taxi. Now if you went to google maps and mapped out the miles and multiply by how much a taxi costs you would get roughly $500.
By this time I am exhausted and went to sleep. I end up waking up to the driver yelling at me in Russian to get up we were here. I think maybe he was wanted for something and that being at a military base was gonna get him arrested. So he drops me off at the visitors center...well alittle further away than that. I'll just say it was a nice walk. So here I am in my Blues,aka buisness suit, with a duffle bag, garment bag, and a backpack at the visitors center with no idea of what Im supposed to do. So I set everything down with a big thud which gets everybodys attention. The receptionist stands up leans over the counter and says "Can I help you?" With the voice of a man. Not just any man like a lumberjack, and with the moles to prove it. So I give the lady my sponsors name and says he works at the Aircraft structural maintenace section. (For his sake I will call my spnosor EP)She hands my a little slip of wadded up paper with a extension and points to a phone hanging on the wall. Apparently being the only person in the entire visors center wasnt a good reason to disturb her from watching Maury. Mind you shes getting paid upwards of $15 an hour to assist people,in making there experience as horrible as possible. Thanks for your stay at Dover AFB, dont come back now ya here. This was the only thing I could think of as I walked away from her desk.
So I make the call, and this woman who sounds like a 5 year old answers the phone. I explain to her who I am and that Im looking for EP becasue im the new guy at the visitors center. Theres a long silence on the other end and a bunch of people laughing about how EP has a new troop. I hadnt known yet that EP was one of the laziet guys in the shop, and also quite possiby the biggest. Finally after what seemed like forever a mans voice came over the phone and said "Stay there someone will get you,CLICK!"

Well ladies and gentlemen, I will end this here. Because a little suspense never hurt anybody. Besides you dont want me to tell you everything in one shot. That would ruin all the fun. Like how we'll get into the girl on the phone and how she ended up in Playboy. Or the giant "parties"... See so theres alot more than just what you are thinking its going to be. And I had a request to put not only the quote but where its from. So yesterdays was from Boondock Saints2.


--Lois: How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.--You choose wisely if you said Ace Ventura